Well, that feeling’s coming over me again. And the stalker is Mr Groupon.

See, Mr Groupon is everywhere I click. I just clicked on Movie Mistakes to give myself a bit of a distraction from the mistakes I am making in my life – and lo and behold, Groupon is offering me up to 70% off 5-star hotels in Singapore. 

How is this possible? No, not Mr Groupon appearing in all places – this is an art he’s perfected, being everywhere you are, this is what stalkers do – but hotels in Singapore offering 70% off.

Most hoteliers I know are laughing all the way to the bank – their rates are high, occupancies are buoyant. This town never had it so good. Who would have thought two casinos and one theme park would make such a difference to the little Red Dot?

One you gamble with your life and one you play with your life, and it’s making hoteliers’ life very happy indeed.

So how can Groupon be offering up to 70% off? I clicked on the ad and it asked me to fill in my name and email address. Curiously, the image of a hotel room makes me feel as though I’d be entering a trap if I did what it asked me to.

So I resisted. Stalking lesson #1 – never give your address to your stalker, even though he may know it from having followed you, but you shouldn’t volunteer information because that might mean consent.

Anyway, I am guessing it is a trap – I don’t believe hotels in Singapore are offering up to 70% off. It’s like those Sale signs that are up permanently in shops in Orchard Road – the good stuff always costs more. You know the trick – they get you in with the Sale sign and then you find something else and you buy it at a price you never intended.

Shopping lesson #1: Remember those three questions you must ask before buying anything these days? “Do you need it? Can you afford it? Is it worth it?”

In Malaysia last week, Mr Groupon kept offering me hamburgers. 50% off, I think. He followed me from Thailand – he should have known I don’t like hamburgers because I didn’t have any of what he was offering in Bangkok, yet he persisted.

Stalkers are that way, it’s not because they are dumb, it’s because they can.

I go into Facebook to try and get away from him – because Facebook’s my personal social space, right – but hey, there he is, offering me a summer barbecue at 70% off again. Doesn’t he know it’s summer all the time in Singapore? Who needs more heat when heat is all around you?

The pot of fish head curry (70% off, of course) does look delicious though. That popped up when I went into Free Dictionary because these days, if you’re not getting 70% off, you’re getting it free.

So excuse me while I pop out for some fish head curry, and try and get away from Mr Groupon for a while. Knowing his persistence and creativity, though, I know he’ll pop up in one of my devices because he’s sure smarter than those gadgets we carry.

Oh well, stalk and be damned.

Stalking lesson #2: Better the stalker you know than the stalker you don’t.